A Day with the Lord
There is a type of hug that only a few people in your life will be able to give you. You can go decades without one of these hugs. It is a hug so tight that it says, “There is not an inch of daylight between us. Nothing is standing between us. There is no embarrassment or awkwardness that is going to stop me from hugging you with all my might. I am going to embrace you totally, with all I’ve got and I won’t quit hugging you like that until you hug me back.” I got one of those today—from the Lord.
I have had good quiet times lately; the Word never fails, but the oneness that I long to feel from the Holy Spirit was just not strong and tight. He was still holding me and hugging me, but I have not been hugging Him back. You see, for a real soul-healing hug to take place, both parties have to be totally in it. I needed to be clinging to Him with the desperation and devotion I had when He first saved me, but I was measuring out my response to Him in spoonfuls. Do you remember when a relative wanted to hug it out with you when you were young and you loved them but you were holding back- almost afraid of all that love coming at you? Well, I was doing that with my beloved Father, the King of the Universe who paid an unspeakable ransom for me. I was being polite and deferential, maybe even reverent, but I was not holding on to Him in a way that said, “I love you so deeply and consumingly that I cannot get close enough to you, but I am going to try. I want to be so aligned with you that I don’t know where you begin and I end. It cannot get too close for me. Give me all you’ve got!”
Recently, I have been “concerned with many things.” At some point, I realized that it had caused a space to grow between the Lord and me that was affecting my intimacy with Him. Although there were a thousand reasons not to take a day off this week, I knew I could not delay, or else the space could grow and create a chasm. It can happen so fast.
I didn’t have much of a plan but to do what I have done many times before—head up to the beautiful North Georgia mountains to get a sense of the awesomeness of His handiwork and to get as far away from my computer and my everyday life as I could. Maybe if I could put some distance between the things consuming me, I could close this gap between the Lord and me.
I also did something I know to do when I don’t feel like praising—I praised. When I can’t seem to worship, I depend on music to help usher me into the presence of the Holy Spirit. I started by playing one of the most worshipful albums I know, Come Weary Saints[1]. At first I just listened and let the words minister to my balky heart. The Spirit led me to “Hide Away in the Love of Jesus” and these beautiful words:
Come, weary saints, though tired and weak
Hide away in the love of Jesus
Your strength will return by His quiet streams
Hide away in the love of Jesus
Next, I felt that these words about weakness were written about me:
In my uncertainty, Your Word is all I need
To know You’re with me every day
Your great power is shown when I’m weak
You help me to see Your love in this place
Perfect peace is filling my mind
And drawing my heart
To praise You again.[2]
The Lord then reminded me that I could not make this change in me no matter how much time I set aside, but that it was a gift. These words from “Through the Precious Blood” brought me His message that He wanted to give me that gift freely:
Grace upon grace flows down, flows down
Grace upon grace flows down, flows down
Through the precious blood of Christ. [3]
I had been driving through an area where my grandfather had grown up, and I began to miss my parents and grandparents. I was feeling bereft of the love of a parent, and. that’s when He comforted me and reminded me that “When my father and my mother Have forsaken me, then YHWH gathers me.” 2 Psalm 27:10, LSV
He assured me “Even to your old age I will be the same, And even to your graying years I will carry you! I have done it, and I will bear you; And I will carry you and I will save you.” 2 Isaiah 46:4, NASB
Suddenly, conviction fell—beautiful, merciful, Grace-filled conviction! Conviction had been the furthest thing on my mind when I undertook this trip, but He knew it was exactly what I needed so I repented. It stopped being about what blessing or experience I could get from the day, but just an honest conversation between a daughter and her Heavenly Father. By then, I could sing along with the words of “Oh, the Deep, Deep Love of Jesus.”
Oh the deep, deep love of Jesus
Vast, unmeasured, boundless, free
Rolling as a mighty ocean
In its fullness over me
Underneath me, all around me
Is the current of Your love
Leading onward, leading homeward
To Your glorious rest above. [4]
I felt that deep, deep love rolling over me like an ocean. How could I not love Him back? How could I not embrace Him with all that is within me? Now I was leaning into Him with all my heart. It seemed that every song after that mentioned the way the Lord’s arm reaches out and draws us to His side when we are drifting.
Hold me close
Let Your love surround me
Bring me near
Draw me to Your side
And as I wait
I'll rise up like the eagle
And I will soar with You
Your Spirit leads me on.
This drawing to His side was the opposite of the polite, safe space that I had been creating between us. He reminded me “that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, 39 nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing will be able to separate (me) from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.[5]
He told me, “Behold, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands; your walls are continually before me.” [6]
And I rested peacefully as He held me while I thought of Deuteronomy 33:27 ESV:
The eternal God is your dwelling place, and underneath are the everlasting arms.
I was flooded with a sense of wellbeing and washed over with love from my Heavenly Father. The final songs I listened to captured His loving assurance as I collapsed into His arms, not holding back now:
There's a name that can silence every fear
There's a love that embraces
The heartache, the pain and the tears
Through my faith and my doubting
I know one thing for sure
His word is unfailing
His promise secure
Todo va a estar bien
Everything will be alright. [7]
I knew that the Lord had broken through the cold atmosphere surrounding my heart and, in full embrace now, I could sing from the very depths of my soul:
I will stand in faith (Eyes on You)
Walk by faith (For my Breakthrough)
Live by Faith (Before You Move)
Oh, I believe, I believe, I believe
Stand in Faith (Eyes on You)
See by Faith (For my Breakthrough)
Receive by Faith (Before You Move)
Oh, I believe, I believe, I believe!
[1] Thanks to Julie for this gift over 20 years ago.
[2] Every Day from Come Weary Saints.
[3] Through the Precious Blood from Come Weary Saints.
[4] Oh, the Deep, Deep Love of Jesus, Audrey Assad.
[5] 1 Romans 8:38-39, NASB
[6] 2 Isaiah 49:16, ESV
[7] Be Alright, Danny Gokey